Fear: That Hard Pill to Swallow (or gag on)

Drink up... and suddenly you're ordering the "Big Gulp"! 

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve posted here at Lady Guru. Some of you may be aware that we have been working on our move to Costa Rica. Well, we are finally here! Naturally, this experience has been all consuming and so it goes: there are times for  “living it” and times for “writing about it”.

For me, this big leap we took moving to Costa Rica, has surely reset the bar on living through the fear! I know, I know - I’ve written about this topic before, but it is worthy of deeper investigation. Once again I say, courage is not about fearlessness, it’s about going into what scares you and living through it. This is truly a practice to be cultivated - to remain grounded and conscious while the Tazmanian devil of illusion, Maya, is trying to suck you into it’s whirling vortex of anxiety. We ALL have things that scare us, it’s just a matter of degrees. Some people are more aware of what those things are than others. It may be as obvious as a fear of flying, snakes or heights or as obscure as a fear of intimacy, abandonment or loosing control. Either way, it’s not an easy pill to swallow – stepping willingly into our vulnerability, looking those things in the face and accepting them for what they are – but, when we do, it is THEN we can grow in all directions towards inner acceptance, compassion, patience, forgiveness… peace. All these things are wrapped up, hidden behind the veil, just waiting to be exposed, but the only true way there is to dive in - tear through the fabric that weaves the barrier between us and the light that holds all these things. In essence, we already ARE these things and we ARE the light. It is simply the fear that keeps us from remembering.

Sat nam!

END OF THE SUMMER

Dar Williams wrote in her song "End of the Summer":

The summer ends and we wonder where we are
And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car
And you both look so young
And last night was hard, you said
You packed up every room
And then you cried and went to bed
But today you closed the door and said
"We have to get a move on.
It's just that time of year when we push ourselves ahead,
We push ourselves ahead."

...It's the end of the summer
It's the end of the summer,
When you move to another place 

I'm sitting out here in the back yard, the cicadas are singing and the air is still, it's a perfect late summer evening. You can sense autumn chomping at the bit; the smells, the light. The above song came to mind and as I looked up the lyrics, it seems it couldn't be more appropriate, since this particular "end of summer" is pretty significant in that it is our last one in the country. We move to "another place" (Costa Rica) early November.

Autumn has always been, by far, my favorite time of year: time to slow down; pull out the socks and sweaters; the crisp nights when you pull out the comforter for sleeping, those beautiful, puffy clouds gracing the bluest of skies; fires in the fireplace; soups and hearty meals... I always said I would never live in a climate where there were no "seasons" as I knew them. But, alas, another lesson in "never say never". I am soaking up every "last" moment of it all with conscious gratitude, while giving way to a NEW idea of "seasons". Rainy vs Dry, over Hot vs Cold - just another way to experience the ever present Yin/Yang of life.

As excited as I am to get down to our new home and life, I am actually very grateful the timing has us enjoying yet one more stateside, east coast autumn; one more date with the quietude of nature as she folds herself up into shorter days, longer nights, winter holidays, jeans, boots, sweaters, hot tea in the afternoons... I am appreciating every moment, HERE, as I am living it, as I know I will be enjoying every moment THERE as I am living it - every present, amazing, captivating, enchanting, crazy, melancholy, challenging, beautiful moment... with eternal gratitude!

Sat Nam!!

No Beginning, No End

Contemplate… and suddenly you realize the answers have been there all along.

It’s late and I’m perusing YouTube, time traveling back to periods in my life, simply by listening to music I haven’t heard in years, feeling pretty melancholy. Maybe its the music, maybe its Facebook and the recent re-connects to people from a long, lost past, maybe its the full moon, maybe its the slow realization that we are leaving the country and life as we know it, or perhaps its a culmination of it all. I’m transported back to times when it seemed my whole life was still ahead of me, living with an innocent sense of timelessness. I’m standing back there looking ahead, thinking not–too-hard about a place I’m supposed to eventually get to, and here I am, now, at that place wherever it is - looking back but still looking ahead. And, yet I am experiencing a similar, yet deeper sense of timelessness now. It, too, is innocent. Innocent with an ever growing trust, and from that trust comes the ability to look my fears in the face and clearly see them for what they are – maya, illusion. It is the spiral of life, to come full circle, but the spiral ascends and we never truly come back to the same exact place. I’m called to quote the proverb “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” In this notion we come to understand the timeless current that flows beneath everything we experience in this world. The ongoing vibration that never ends, the vibration that resonates within us all …and its sound is AUM…

Namaste

No Expectations

Let Go… and suddenly you are finding freedom in every new moment.

Sri Yukteswar said, “I do not expect anything from others, so their actions cannot be in opposition to wishes of mine.”… Whew. THAT’s a tall order for us lowly, unenlightened ones, eh? I believe, herein lies the key to ALL successful and peaceful cohabitation with fellow human beings. When you really think about it, you have to consider the question: what is the root cause of any struggling relationship? Yes, expectations. Expecting others to be… what… well, like US? I think pretty much, since this is all we really know. And, this calls to mind another quote: “We don’t see people as THEY are, we see them as WE are.” We can only see through the eyes of our own histories, usually leaving others to fall short of ideas of what WE consider right or wrong, good or bad, acceptable or not. Then who suffers? BOTH parties. One person is left feeling judged or inadequate and the other, steeped in disappointment. By dropping expectations, dropping the history that shades our beliefs, by coming to each moment for exactly what it is, a “new” moment, unlike any other that has come before it, there can be no disappointment, or as Sri Yuketeswar says “no opposition to wishes”. This is a constant, second to second, moment to moment, hour to hour, day to day (well you get the idea) discipline in awareness.

So, the next time you find yourself disappointed in someone, check your responsibility and the part you may be playing to perpetuate that emotion… I’ll bet somewhere in there you’ll find it has something to do with expectations - and within this new awareness you will find the capacity to let it go!

Sat Nam!

Birthing Our Dream :: Pt 2

The new Blog is UP! I hope you all will click on over to BIRTHING OUR DREAM! and join us - subscribe for updates, as we blog and vlog our journey, building our new home and retreat center in Costa Rica - PURA VIDA!

Sat Nam

Shadow Boxing or Shadow Hugging?

Illuminate… and suddenly darkness is no longer threatening.

Yesterday I watched the rocumentary Joni Mitchell: Woman of Heart and Mind. I was thoroughly blown away by her endless, streaming talent, wisdom and beauty. Here is a woman who followed her Muse, never once selling out, speaking her raw, poetic, unadulterated truth and yet she struggled with depression. She never cared about being famous, she never even felt comfortable or worthy of it. I was struck by one of the things she said, regarding her embracing depression: “If you get rid of the demons, the angels fly away, too.” How eloquently put!

I was just talking with a friend that very day about her working hard to change herself, taking ownership of her “stuff” and ultimately becoming the person she “wants” to be. I added: “the person you ARE.” She hesitated, and sort of frowned with her response: “Wellllll… I’m not so sure, there are still things I’m trying to get rid of.” Hearing this, I reminded her that while it is true that awareness is half the work, acceptance is also key. We can shift, we can change, but there will always be a “shadow” side. Note: this does not mean a “bad” side. But in this humanistic, dualistic world we live in, there is a flip side to everything. Unfortunately, we tend to think we are supposed to be “happy” or “good” or “succeeding” 100% of the time. We can surely aim towards perfection, but with a knowing we will never be perfect. It is within this paradox that we find peace. So when Joni speaks of the demons and the angels, she reminds us that we truly need both aspects, the light AND the dark. We cannot “get rid” of one without getting rid of the other; therefore we cannot “have” one without the other. From Joni’s depression came some of her greatest work. By shining light upon her dark side, she manifested beauty.

By embracing our own “flip” side with compassion and non-judgment, we begin to understand and accept that darkness in others. By shining light into our darkness, the shadows cease to be threatening, without threat; there is no fear – without fear, a world of endless possibilities awaits!

Sat Nam!

Birthing A Dream

Imagine... and suddenly anything is possible. Realize your dreams!

Creation Creating, this is who we are. This is WHAT we are. Every creation begins with a thought and every thought is born from purusha, the deeper, divine self that resides within us all. This movement of thought turned to action is the creative process manifest, and from this, like the powerful, exploding cumulus clouds billowing from vapor into form, our world exists. This is the golden thread that connects us all. This is the eternal unfolding.

Our dream of building a sanctuary in Costa Rica has been unfolding for quite a while. We finally sold our house where we had lived for 15 wonderful and cozy years, and now we are very close to purchasing land. As we are getting into the nitty-gritty and logistics of buying land in Costa Rica, an adventure in and of itself, I have been finding it my meditation to surrender to the process while staying strong in my, space – the Buddhists call it the middle way, or for you yoginis out there, sthirasukha: maintaining ease within a steady and alert state. A challenge, indeed! But this morning, as I was finishing my sadhana, I found the (ok, maybe not-so-original) metaphor that helps me stay the course: I feel pregnant with possibility! I am holding this seed of a long-time dream close at my tan tien, like an expectant mother, falling in love with her not-yet-born baby. My heart swells with the idea of being able to build a truly sacred space where people can come to find… well, whatever it is THEY are searching for. And, along this journey, I will embrace the challenges and hold fast the love for this seed. Even when I feel the heaviness of the overwhelming load of challenges and responsibility, I will bring gratitude for it all because every single moment means the seed is growing within a healthy spiritual and emotional environment. The power of this intention will carry forth the very energy that will ultimately sustain the dream in it’s fruition!

By bringing love, compassion and patience into everything we do, every idea we have, every creation we intend – even if in the end if things don’t look as we imagine (and they probably won’t!) – we might succeed in manifesting a healthier world… Keep the dream alive!